Sleep Tight:
TGIF ....A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a TGIF t-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a Thank God it's Friday t-shirt on Monday?"
"Oh shit!" the blonde says,"I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front'!"
Life in 4 Bottles:
The Professor’s Wife ….A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter that I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I will be home before midnight.
When he arrived at the hotel, there a fax was waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you read this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, my love, do not wait up!
Fact of Life:
How to end a Bad Date ….After being with her all evening, the man couldn't stand another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to."
Soccer Moment:
