Things that sound dirty in Golf …. 1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really waked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
85 years Old ….An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
77777:
Reverse Psychology ….A woman's husband comes home hammered every night, and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.
One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a back rub.
"It's getting late, big boy," she says after a few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed?"
"We might as well," slurs the husband. "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."
Protected???:
So Here I am …. Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls getaway trip -
Shopping, casinos, massages, facials.
Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down
And tells her she isn't going.
Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the
Bar drinking a glass of wine.
"Wow, how long you been here and how did you talk your husband into
Letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night........... Yesterday evening I was
Sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands
Over my eyes and said 'Guess who'?"
I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit.
He took my hand and lead me to our bedroom. The room was scented with
Perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over............On the
Bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the
Bed, so I did. And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want."
So here I am.
Blonde ....A blonde was weed-eating her yard andaccidentally cut off the tail of her catwhich was hiding in the grass.
She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!
Why WAL-MART??
HELLOOOOOOOOO!
WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!
Happy to Help:
