Parking Skills

Parking Fail

We Can Afford It

Daily Inbox Cleaning

Best Wedding Dress
Three Wives ....
Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as a lover.

The first woman says "My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."

The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."

The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

ParkingHalf Off these Ticket ....
USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

Lets play TennisThe Affair ....
A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot.

She keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said:

"Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ..."

No Exceptions

Blonde Astronaut ….
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and
why?"

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars
because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible
extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to
the sun you would burn to death?"

The blonde smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

Collective Hangover

What is Sex? ….

8 year son: Dad what's sex?
  Dad gets tensed but explained everything.
Kid:
But dad how do I write all that in this small box of admission form?

He is very Clear about his choice

Interesting ….
Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99, (Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)
Letters 'a', 'b' 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999, (Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)
Letters 'b' 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999, (Letter 'b' comes
for the first time in Billion)
and
Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting
Just Try......... ......... ........ except
C ..for...CASH !!

Advertising his skills right there on the Van

Actual Call Center Conversation ….
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a Worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

Speed Control

Pretty clever, huh? Especially if moved around each day. Isn't it wonderful? It will surely slow you down!

People slow down and try to "straddle" the hole, then breath a sign of relief they completely cleared it!
Pretty clever, huh? Especially if moved around each day. Isn't it wonderful?

Random Stuff from my Inbox Today

Lego Creation

Blood Circulation ….

 Medical Science says: "Tight clohing slows blood Circulation".
But the Truth is ...
"Tighter the Woman's clothing,
Faster the Circulation of Man's blood".

Things I Do

Why Football is played for 45 Minutes? ….

Those who thought of this must have lots of time why people play football for 45 minutes, not 30 minutes or 1 hour?

Even the sports scientist and some of the senior players could not give the RIGHT answer. In that confusing situation one person came up with a reasonable answer.

He said......."The reason people play this game for 45 minutes is... There are 2 teams and there are 11 players in each team. Each player brings his own "2 balls" So in total there are 44 balls. There is one ball on the ground itself. Thus the grand total is 45". Question Answered?

Sometimes there is extra time of 2mins which is the Referee's balls!

Parked It

Hooters ….

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender,” Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

Internet

God & a Motorcyclist ….

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could
possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Move It

Actual Call Center Conversation ….

Directory Enquiries Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

Jealousy

Girl’s night out as described by a girl ….

Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet.. What could I do? The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks and left!!!

Wedding Shoot Out