Happy Valentine's Day

How do you decide Whom to Marry (Written by Kids)

-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.  
-- Alan, age 10 
-No person really decides before they grow up whom they're going to marry. God decides it all way before and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.  
-- Kristen, age 10 

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?  

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. 
-- Camille, age 10 

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? 

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. 
-- Derrick, age 8 

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?  

Both don't want any more kids.  
-- Lori, age 8 

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?  

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.  
-- Lynnette, age 8  (isn't she a treasure) 
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.  
-- Martin, age 10 

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?  

-When they're rich.  
-- Pam, age 7  
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. 
- - Curt, age 7  
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.  
- - Howard, age 8 

7.  IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?  

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. 
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child) 

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?  

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? 
-- Kelvin, age 8 

And the #1 Favorite is...... 

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?  

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10

Relationship between Two Eyes

Do you know the relation between two eyes?

They never see each other....... ...

BUT


They blink together

They move together

They cry together

They see things together

They sleep together

They share a very deeply bonded relationship.

However, when they see a woman, one will blink and the other will not!

Moral of the story:

A woman can break any kind of relationship! !!

Perfect Timing

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Rifles Over Women

                 #10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

                #9. You can keep one Rifle at home and have another for when you're on the road.

                #8. If you admire a friend's Rifle and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

                #7. Your primary Rifle doesn't mind if you keep another Rifle for a backup.

                #6. Your Rifle will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

                #5. A Rifle doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

                #4. Rifles function normally every day of the month.

                #3. A Rifle doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

                #2. A Rifle doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

                And the number one reason a Rifle is favoured over a woman:

                #1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A RIFLE

Soldier's Letter

A SOLDIER RECEIVED A LETTER FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT HE COULDN'T
SHOW IT TO HIS FRIENDS,
BECAUSE SHE SIGNED IT "MOTHER," AND THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE:

M- IS FOR THE MANY TIMES WE DID IT.

O- IS FOR THE OTHER TIMES WE TRIED.

T- IS FOR THE TERRIFIC TIMES WE HAVE.

H- IS FOR THE HOTEL WE WENT TO.

E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY WE WENT.

R- IS FOR THE RHYTHM WE HAD.

THAT SPELLS "MOTHER" -- WHAT I'M GOING TO BE IN 9 MONTHS.
HE WROTE BACK AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID:

F- IS FOR THE FUCKED UP LETTER YOU SENT ME.

A- IS FOR THE ASS YOU ARE.

T- IS FOR THE TROUBLE YOUR IN.

H- IS FOR THE HOE YOU REALLY ARE.

E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY YOU GAVE IT UP.

R- IS FOR THE ROMANCE WE NEVER HAD.

AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M THE FATHER
THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF THE BABY:

B- IS FOR THE BABY WITHOUT A FATHER.

A- IS FOR THE ABORTION YOU BETTER GET.

B- IS FOR THE BASTARD HE OR SHE WILL BE.

Y- IS FOR THE "YES" WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID "NO."

SHE REALIZED THAT SHE FORGOT A FEW THINGS IN THE FIRST LETTER SO SHE
WROTE THE DICKLESS WONDER BACK AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID:

B- IS FOR THE BEEF YOU HAD WITH ME.

E- IS FOR THE EATING YOU DID.

S- IS FOR THE GOOD PUSSY YOU SUCKED.

T- IS FOR THE TIMES I GOT YOU HARD.

F- IS FOR THE FUNNY MADE DICK YOU HAVE.

R- IS THE RASH ON YOUR ASS.

I- IS FOR THE INTERCOURSE THAT WAS BORING.

E- IS FOR THE ENERGY FOR YOU TO CUM.

N- IS FOR THE NASTY ASS DOG YOU ARE.

D- IS FOR THE DAD YOUR GOING TO BE.

AND THAT SPELLS "BESTFRIEND" -- WHO I WAS FUCKIN' WHILE YOU WERE
AWAY.

Parking Skills

Parking Fail

Butter Floor

Girlfriend ruins watching Stanley Cup game on TV

Honest Work

A college coed finished her degree at a college in a small farming town in Oregon. Her fiancé had another semester to go to finish his degree and then they planned to marry in the spring. So the young woman decided to get a job until her fiancé finished school, but the only job she could find in the town was on a farm doing manual labour.

Her duties consisted of grooming the fields and ridding the crops of adjacent weeds, in other words using a hoe. Then came the end of the semester, and her fiancé graduated, so they decided to get on with the nuptials. They went to the courthouse and requested a marriage license.

The county clerk asked the usual questions like name, place of birth, occupation. The groom to be answered everything and, of course, gave his occupation as student as that was his most recent occupation. The bride to be answered everything until the clerk asked her occupation.

She thought about it a moment and then answered: "I'm a hoer."

The clerk looked at her to be husband and then her with a dumbfounded look on his face and then she spoke up: "Well, it's honest work."

Pre-Superbowl Ads