A SOLDIER RECEIVED A LETTER FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT HE COULDN'T
SHOW IT TO HIS FRIENDS,
BECAUSE SHE SIGNED IT "MOTHER," AND THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE:
M- IS FOR THE MANY TIMES WE DID IT.
O- IS FOR THE OTHER TIMES WE TRIED.
T- IS FOR THE TERRIFIC TIMES WE HAVE.
H- IS FOR THE HOTEL WE WENT TO.
E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY WE WENT.
R- IS FOR THE RHYTHM WE HAD.
THAT SPELLS "MOTHER" -- WHAT I'M GOING TO BE IN 9 MONTHS.
HE WROTE BACK AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID:
F- IS FOR THE FUCKED UP LETTER YOU SENT ME.
A- IS FOR THE ASS YOU ARE.
T- IS FOR THE TROUBLE YOUR IN.
H- IS FOR THE HOE YOU REALLY ARE.
E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY YOU GAVE IT UP.
R- IS FOR THE ROMANCE WE NEVER HAD.
AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M THE FATHER
THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF THE BABY:
B- IS FOR THE BABY WITHOUT A FATHER.
A- IS FOR THE ABORTION YOU BETTER GET.
B- IS FOR THE BASTARD HE OR SHE WILL BE.
Y- IS FOR THE "YES" WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID "NO."
SHE REALIZED THAT SHE FORGOT A FEW THINGS IN THE FIRST LETTER SO SHE
WROTE THE DICKLESS WONDER BACK AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID:
B- IS FOR THE BEEF YOU HAD WITH ME.
E- IS FOR THE EATING YOU DID.
S- IS FOR THE GOOD PUSSY YOU SUCKED.
T- IS FOR THE TIMES I GOT YOU HARD.
F- IS FOR THE FUNNY MADE DICK YOU HAVE.
R- IS THE RASH ON YOUR ASS.
I- IS FOR THE INTERCOURSE THAT WAS BORING.
E- IS FOR THE ENERGY FOR YOU TO CUM.
N- IS FOR THE NASTY ASS DOG YOU ARE.
D- IS FOR THE DAD YOUR GOING TO BE.
AND THAT SPELLS "BESTFRIEND" -- WHO I WAS FUCKIN' WHILE YOU WERE
AWAY.
Showing posts with label Letter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letter. Show all posts
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Standing Commuter
This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company, regarding services of the latter.
"Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think your transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago. Yours truly, A Commuter"
The Reply to the above:
"Dear Sir: We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, Western Railways"
And the Counter-Reply was:
"Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town `seated' on his ass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two years! Yours truly, A Long `Standing' Commuter"
"Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think your transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago. Yours truly, A Commuter"
The Reply to the above:
"Dear Sir: We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, Western Railways"
And the Counter-Reply was:
"Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town `seated' on his ass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two years! Yours truly, A Long `Standing' Commuter"
Friday, March 5, 2010
Love Letter by a Maths Teacher
My Dear SweetHeart,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Letter
Dear _______,
I will seek and find you. I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you till your relieved when I’m finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
Yours,
The Flu
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wife's Response
Letter from Husband to Wife
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Wife's Response
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items ...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet Heart
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Wife's Response
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items ...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet Heart
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