A friend would bail you out of prison, but a best friend will sit next to you and be like “man, we fucked up “
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
I called a Number ....
I called a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes."
"I am not available right now, but
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes."
Monday, August 23, 2010
Larry's Bar
A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.
What do you think I should do?'
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Taxi is here....
A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven.
He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them. "Yes?", asks St. Peter.
"I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani..
St Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi's here"
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
She was so Blonde....
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius".
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
...she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
...she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
...she sold the car for gas money.
...when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius".
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
...she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
...she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
...she sold the car for gas money.
...when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
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