Larry's Bar

A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.  Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.

What do you think I should do?' 

'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down.  Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'

Surgeon and a Mechanic ....

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car
when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing
off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a
look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "hello doctor!! Please come
over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked
argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will
work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me
is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running ".

Doctors

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology".

The town's fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors".

This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoid's".

No go.

So they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics".

Thumbs down again.

So they tried "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives."

Still not good.

So they tried "Minds and Behinds".

Unacceptable again.

So they tried "Lost Souls and Ass-holes".

Still no go.

Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts," "Queers and Rears," "Nuts and Butts," "Freaks and Cheeks," or "Loons and Moons" work either.

So they finally settled on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends"
**
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good either.

On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.

"But Doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

"I know," said the physician, "I can cure pneumonia!"