Fact of Life

Something to Ponder Upon

I used to eat a lot of natural foods

Until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.

If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house,

Is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a groove and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,

Lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days

No one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.

It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,

But it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken?

I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.'

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,

Why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Daily Digest

Oustralia

You already know ….
A man watching a hockey game on TV kept switching
channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple.
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.
"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said.
"You already know how to play Hockey!"
Pothles:

Add Spice ….
Mary: My #1 ex was probably the dumbest of all.
Jill: Why do you say that?
Mary: He came into the bedroom one night holding a
jalapeno pepper in his hand. I said, "Why in hell did you
bring that pepper to the bedroom?"
Jill: Well, what did he say?
Mary: He said, "You told me to add spice to our sex life.
Fact of Life:

Suspicion ….
A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the maid.

She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.

Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her. After an hour of wild, passionate sex, the wife, still in ecstatic reverie, switched on the lights and blurted,

"WELL - Are you surprised?"

"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.
I like this:

Some Facts that landed in my Inbox Today

Abraham Lincoln, who invented a hydraulic device for lifting ships over shoals, was the only US president ever granted a patent.

The cashew is part of a fruit that grows in tropical regions called 'a cashew apple'. After harvesting, the cashew apple keeps for only 24 hours before the soft fruit deteriorates. The cashew apple is not commercially important since it spoils quickly, but local people love the fruit. To harvest the nut, the ripe apple is allowed to fall to the ground where natives easily gather it. The apple and nut are separated.

According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until the 1730's, India was the only source for diamonds in the world.

Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes.

Australia is the only country that is also a continent.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

In 1970, Russell T. Tansie, an Arizona lawyer filed a $100,000 damage lawsuit against God. The suit was filed on behalf of Mr. Tansie's secretary, Betty Penrose, who accused God of negligence in His power over the weather when He allowed a lightning bolt to strike her home. Ms. Penrose won the case when the defendant failed to appear in court. Whether or not she collected has not been recorded.

Changes in this Decade 1999-2009

Since 1999 there were 23 million marriages in America,12 million enede in divorce

The US added over 6 Trillion Dollars to National Debt

11% of that Debt is owned by the Chinese and Japanese

Gas prices have almost doubled in America

Since 1999, 800 million people were born

7 million were infected by HIV

60 million died of Starvation

3.0 million died because of War

The number of internet users rose from 350 million to 1.7 billion

8 billion songs were purchased and 160 billion were pirated

Cell phone usage increased from 1 out of 10 people in 1999 to 2 out of 3 in 2009

AND MOST STARTLING---
YOU ARE 10 YEARS OLDER!!!!

February 2010 Some Facts