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Wife....

Something to Ponder Upon

I used to eat a lot of natural foods

Until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.

If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house,

Is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a groove and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,

Lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days

No one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.

It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,

But it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken?

I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.'

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,

Why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Daily Randomness

Lucky House ....or may be not:

Emergency Brake ….

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that, too."

"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on it immediately. "Also," said the Amish woman, "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

Free Air Guitar:

The Final Exam ....

At a State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry
and all of them had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident that,
the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big
party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying; they slept all
day Sunday and didn't make it back to State University until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final,
they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they
visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they
missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next
day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam..

The next day the professor placed them in separate rooms and gave
them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points.
Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be
easy. ...

Then they turned the page. On the second page was written....

For 95 points: Which tire? _________

Purse:

Q & A ….

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Never mind that, what the heck is she doing out of the kitchen?

Beach:

Anger Management ….

Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet.
Husband says: How does that help?

Wife says: I use your toothbrush.

His & Hers:

You Gotta Laugh at these ....

Remember your Cup