Spidey gets Busted

Blonde's Dog

One hot summer day, a blonde came to
town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree,
and headed into a  restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, who owns the dog
tied under that tree outside?

The blonde said it was hers. 

Your dog seems to be in heat the officer said.
 

The blonde replied, No way. She's cool because she's tied up under that
shade tree.

The policeman said, No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.

No way, said the blonde. My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I
fed her this morning.

The exasperated policeman said, NO! You don't understand. Your dog
wants to have sex!

(You've got to love this)

The blonde looked at the cop and said, Well, go ahead. I always wanted a
police dog.

Route 119

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a
State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a
speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -
two in the front and three in the back of the car - wide-eyed and
white as ghosts.

The driver obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be
the problem?"

"Ma'am," The officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you
should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be
a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly -- twenty-two miles an hour" the old woman said proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to
her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit
embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am", the officer says, "I have to
ask...Is everyone in this car OK?  These women seem awfully
shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off
Route 119."

Who has the Keys?????

Chauffeur

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kmph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motor cycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kmph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'