Happy Valentine's Day

Relationship between Two Eyes

Do you know the relation between two eyes?

They never see each other....... ...

BUT


They blink together

They move together

They cry together

They see things together

They sleep together

They share a very deeply bonded relationship.

However, when they see a woman, one will blink and the other will not!

Moral of the story:

A woman can break any kind of relationship! !!

Revenge

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck???!!!"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.

Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!

He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a coffee break, but learned from a friend he had ran off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back.

He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."

Rules for Men & Women

Women’s Rules for Men

Call.

Don’t lie.

The correct answer to “Do I look fat?” is never, ever “Yes.” Ditto for “Is she prettier than me?”

Victoria’s Secret is good. Frederick’s of Hollywood is bad.

A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

Her cooking is excellent.

Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

Believe it or not, you’re probably not more attractive when you’re drunk.

You’re wrong.

You’re sorry.

Don’t assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

Remember Valentine’s Day, and any cheesy “anniversary” she so-names.

Her haircut is never bad.

Call

Don’t lie.

The rules are never fair. Accept this without question.

The fact that she has to go through labour while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn’t fair either, and it balances everything out

Men’s Rules For Women

If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.

Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall.

Shopping is not fascinating.

When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. Unless the answer is yes. In which case, can he videotape it?

The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.

Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e. Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc), should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.

Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.

He heard you the first time.

If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.

Dogs good. Cats bad.

Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.

If he has to sit through “Legends of the Fall”, you have to Sit through “Showgirls”.

“Fine.” is not an acceptable way to end an argument.

Do not question a man’s innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.

He was not looking at that other girl.

Well, okay… maybe a little.

Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…

If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.

It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.

Of course size matters, and boy does he have the granddaddy of them all.

He does not just want to be friends.