Larry's Bar

A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.  Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.

What do you think I should do?' 

'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down.  Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'

Satisfaction

Q: Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?

A: The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more.

Female Wavelenght

Last night Man and wife were sitting in the living room, talking about life... In-between, they talked about the idea of living or dying.

He said to her: Darling never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.

His wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards him....and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the i Pod, and the X box, and then went to the bar and threw away all his whiskey, rum, gin, vodka & the beer in the fridge...

He ALMOST DIED!!

The 2 morals of this story are:
1. Think about what you wish for.
2. The female brain works on a different wavelength from the male's.

Finally - an explanation of Woman that makes sense to a man!

Element: Woman

Symbol: WO+

Discoverer: Adam Edenwarden

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg, isotopes vary from 40 - 200 kg

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with thin film of make-up.

2. Boils at room temperature.

3. Freezes without any known reason.

4. Melts if given special treatment.

5. Bitter if incorrectly used.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of Precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in social gatherings.

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

3. Can be very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.

2. Turns pale green when placed beside a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other

WARNING!!!!

PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS !

Thought for the Day

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!